"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
