just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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