O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
