i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
