The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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