and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
