There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
