meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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