should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
