I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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