He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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