Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
