Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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