is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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