It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Send help, water and tortillas.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
