you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
