saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
