remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
