I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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