im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
