yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
