dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
