I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
