you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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