I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
