god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
