I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
