if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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