I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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