Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
