how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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