I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
