I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
