I should be sponsored by Trojan
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
