Need sex. Gaining weight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
