Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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