im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
