I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
