I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
