trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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