gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
