Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
