Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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