maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Are my feet made of real feet?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
