Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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