the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
