Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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