no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
