I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
