just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
