This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
