The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
